Barry Saucepan and the Random Intermission
by Long live the pickles
Summary: Barrys back once more for another adventure along with his kick ass buddys.Oh and Don'll be there too...But this time round, there's a new guy on campus, Charlie.Why was he sent to see Barry?And by who?And why does Lemo have her heart set on a threesome?
1. Rude Awakenings

**_Okay, as you may know Harry Potter IV is currently being written by my dear friend _****_xXx-Beautiful-Lies-xXx_** **_well this is kinda set the same time as that but has nothing to do with that, you know what I mean? Hence the name: 'Random intermission' Nothing to do with any of the plots in the other stories it just for a bit of fun (and 'cause I miss Barry and others, yet am too lazy to try and write the long fourth book onwards...) So please, be awesome and review and I shall love you forever and ever._**

_** 3 LLP**_

_**Let the games begin...**_

**Barry Saucepan and the Random Intermission**

**Chapter one: Rude Awakenings**

Barry opened his eyes and was met by a disturbing sight...A random guy sitting on his bed.

"Harry Potter?" The boy about his age asked.

"Who the fuck are you?!" Barry asked his own question.

The boy went red,

"Sorry...I'm Charlie," he extended his hand. Barry didn't take it,

"What are you doing in my room?! And why do people keep asking for Harry Potter?! I am _not_ Harry Potter. I am Barry Saucepan, the brilliant Barry Saucepan! I've had books written about me, I have books written about me, I EFFING DEFEATED YOU-KNOW-WHO DAMMIT!!! ...And I have a hot girlfriend I bet this, 'Harry Potter' doesn't have a hot girlfriend!" Barry huffed and puffed indignantly.

Charlie frowned,

"Well I'm sorry to intrude your royal highness..." He said sarcastically.

"Hey Barry, who are you-" Sirius stopped mid sentence, "Barry, why do you have a boy in your room?"

Barry suddenly realised how wrong this looked...

"Sirius...This is not what it looks like!"

Sirius then bounced his eyebrows,

"Oh really?" His expression dropped, "Wait...Ewww!"

Charlie looked on in confusion,

"Huh?"

"BAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!" Lemo appeared out of no where, Charlie become more confused and somewhat startled. Poor Charlie...

"Where'd you come from?!" He exclaimed

"Yo mum," She turned her attention back to Barry, "I fell asleep in your closet again."

"What were you doing-?"

"SILENCE! What were you doing with a _boy_ in your room?"

"Yea Barry, what's with the dude?" Sirius added.

Barry sighed,

"I don't know...I just woke up and he was just-"

"You've been drinking again!!!" Lemo accused him, finger pointing and all.

"Wait, no I've been sent here-" Charlie was interrupted by Lemo.

"He was sent here?! Did Andrew send you a hooker?! I'm going to kill the boy...I mean, he could have at least sent you a female...Or maybe he tried and there were none left..." Lemo pondered for a moment then looked at Charlie, "Were there no more female hookers left?"

"No I-"

Lemo patted him gently on the shoulder,

"I'm sure you are a brilliant man-hooker, but I only want _female_ hookers sent to my boyfriend please. Could you please pass that onto your-" This time Lemo was interrupted by Sirius.

"Lemo, I don't think this boy was sent by an agency...I mean no bondage whips or handcuffs...? No hooker would come so unprepared."

Andy entered the room munching on some popcorn,

"What's this about hookers?"

"Nothing, Barry's cheating on me with Charlie."

"Charlie? Who's that?" Charlie weakly waved his hand in the air. Andy nodded, "Hi there you home-wrecking man-whore." She gave him a fake smile, then turned to Lemo, "Would you like me to get Drew in here to beat the crap out of him?"

Charlie squealed. Lemo sighed,

"Don't worry; Drew's a twig, skinny and lanky. The worst he could do is bitch-slap you. Or smother you in his hair."

Andy giggled.

"Let it go!!!" Drew moaned entering the room, also munching, he put one arm around Andy's waist and continued more munching.

"NEVER!" Lemo cried.

Andrew rolled his eyes,

"So what happened?"

Before Lemo could answer, Charlie spoke,

"Before anyone says it, I have _not_ nor will sleep with Barry."

"AND WHY THE HELL NOT?!"

"...Lemo..." Andy said, waiting for it to click. Lemo paused and blinked,

"THREESOME!" She threw herself at Barry who was still seated on his bed.

"Oh! Would you look at the time...Since this isn't Harry Potter I best be-" Charlie was freaking out.

"FOR CHRIST SAKE!!!" Mione appeared in the room with a small pop, "YOU!" She pointed at Lemo, "Stop trying to rape him!" She faced Charlie, "YOU! Stay right there, I know what you are doing here even if no one else does!" She pointed fiercely at Sirius, "YOU!"

"Me?" Sirius squeaked.

"Get me some Beer Butter!"

"But you're under-"

"Do you wish to live?"

Sirius cowered.

Lotte Tegan burst into the room,

"Using your time traveller is cheating!!!"

Sirius wolf whistled as he waled past to get Mione's beer butter.

"Bite me," Lotte puffed.

Sirius bounced his eyebrows before Lotte slammed the door in his face.


	2. Charlie's Stuck

**Chapter two: Charlie's Stuck**

Barry, Lemo, Lotte, Drew and Andy sat around the table as Mione stood licking her beer butter, staring intently at Charlie who also stood looking very uncomfortable. Only the sound of Mione's beer butter licking broke the silence that had taken a hold of the-

"So are you going to tell us what he's here for or what?" Lemo asked.

Mione paused her licking,

"Yeah, shortly..."

Lemo rolled her eyes and yanked the beer butter out of Miones hands,

"No, now."

Mione sighed,

"Well Charlie here is a famous picture traveller from 1999, he can travel to anytime, any moment he wishes and viola! Here he is now."

"And you know that how...?" Andy asked, eyebrow raised.

"Read it in a book."

"And you knew he was here how...?" Lotte asked.

"Read it - Wait! Why are you asking Lotte?! You were sitting next to me in the library when I read it!"  
Lotte blushed,

"Oh yea..."

"Anyway as I was saying, I read it in a book. It said that on Saturday the 13th of January 1999, Charlie Bone disappeared without a trace in a book he had accidentally come across whilst reading in a collection of his Uncle's books," Mione looked at Charlie, "You were reading a copy of '_Most famous and probably big headed wizards in history_' am I correct?"

Charlie nodded,

"And I came across a picture of Harry Potter and he intrigued me so...I kinda travelled..."  
Mione grinned,

"I knew that you were in the edition Barry, only there was a typo."

"So _that's_ why you thought I was Harry -?"

Sirius burst into the room in a flowered apron,

"I'M MAKING TACO'S TONIGHT!!!" He then ran out again squealing happily.

"Tacos?!" Charlie exclaimed smiling, "I do like tacos..."

"Don't get too excited, kid. Sirius likes to cook 'muggle styles' and he can't cook." Andrew told him.

Andy nudged him,

"You can't call him kid, he's the same age as us."

"I can and I will," Andrew said stubbornly.

"_Anyway_," Mione said, "I realised that it could be possible that you had seen him Barry, whether in a dream or in person randomly in you life so I came to see you, only to see Charlie was here."

"Well that's a coincidence..." Lemo mumbled.

"Yeah, so what are we going to do now?" Lotte asked.

"Well...He could stay with me and Sirius," Barry suggested, "If you want..." he added.

A small explosion came from the kitchen and Sirius staggered out of the kitchen covered in soot,

"I...I wouldn't go in there for a while...Needs to air out..." he then collapsed on the floor in a black lump.

Lemo, Andy and Lotte went to jump up to investigate when Banana and Cheesy ran in from the other room,

"WE'RE AWAKE AND WE'RE ON IT!!!"

Charlie looked from one person in the room to the other, including the unconscious Sirius,

"How many people are staying here?!"

"Well...There's me, Andy, Cheesy, Lotte, Barry, Drew, Banana, Sirius, Emo, Don, Jub and Mione lives down the road. So..." Lemo held up her fingers trying to add them all up only to find she didn't have enough finger, so she proceeded to talk off her shoes.

"Eleven," Mione told him.

"Would Sirius mind me staying? I don't know how to get home, so I guess I'm stuck in..."

"2007. And nah he won't mind, he loves the thought of 'cooking' for so many."

Sirius jumped up suddenly,

"I'm ready for round two!!! Ding! Ding!" He marched determinedly into the kitchen, only to be dragged out by Cheesy and Banana, "The last time I was carried by two girls, they were half naked and I didn't mind..." he grumbled.

XXXX

"HOGWARTS LETTERS ARE HERE!!!" Lemo screamed as a flood of Hogwarts owls dive bombed the house in their desperate attempt to find everyone in the house.

"How will we get Lotte's letter, will the owl give it to us or - " Andy asked.

A scream rang out from the upstairs shower.

"Never mind, I think it found her." Cheesy said shoving a still flaming taco into her mouth, "Nothing quite like a burning taco for brekkie..."

XXXX

Charlie turned over the envelope that showed a crest with a badger, a snake, a raven and a lion,

"What the..."

"I guess it confirms it, you're stuck here..." Drew said walking into the room and spotting the letter in Charlie's hand.

Charlie frowned,

"How does this confirm it?"

"Well Dumbledore has deemed you be permanent otherwise he wouldn't have enrolled you at Hogwarts."

Charlie sighed sadly,

"I wana go home. Life here is too complicated."

Drew patted him on the shoulder,

"Don't worry, it's good here...Besides, the girls dress sluttier in this year. 1999? They were like _nuns_ compared to our time."

"Well, I guess you better give me the low-down on this whole '2007' and 'wizarding world' then..." 

XXXX

"Michael Jackson is a child molester?!"

XXXX

"Andrew. We could put Peanut butter and Jelly into a sandwich in 1999 too."

"You had bread?!"

"It's 1999 not 1899."

XXXX

_**Myea, I know it was crap...But Ima still trying to get back into it...**_


	3. Aboard the Hogwarts Express

**Chapter three: ****Aboard the Hogwarts Express**

"Lucky for that enlargement charm, otherwise we wouldn't have fitted so perfectly," Sirius said happily from the front passengers seat of Mione's car. They were currently on their way to Kings Cross Station, Mione and Andrew were the only one who could drive but Andrew didn't have a car so that didn't really account for anything. So as a result all eleven of the Grim-Old-Place (recently renamed The House of Awesome Tacos, by Sirius) temporary residents were jammed into Mione's Mini Cooper.

"Sirius, we didn't use an Enlargement Charm, hence why my face is firmly jammed into Andrew's groin," Banana grumbled.

"Yo' knof yo' lofe it..." Andrew said, his face pushed against one of the side windows.

Mione stopped suddenly at a set of traffic lights, everyone was so tightly packed no movement was particularly obvious, except a small whimper from Jub.

"Are we nearly there?" Charlie asked his cheeks squeezed together by Andy's right leg and Emo's hip bone.

"Yeah, just hold on guys!" Mione said.

"...In more ways than one..." Don muttered. The sardine-d adolescents attempted to move away from Don as Cheesy groaned,

"Oh great...My face is _right there_."

XXXX

"So long, fine children!" Sirius waved as they all boarded the train, "I shall miss you!", before Barry could get away Sirius grabbed him into a hug, "Be good, and if you can't be good be careful..." and with that he slipped a packet of condoms into his pocket, he wiped his teary eyes, "My godson is growing up!"

Barry's eyes widened,

"Wow...Sirius, I didn't think it was that big a deal..."

Sirius grabbed him into another bone crushing hug,

"It's not, I just want to look like a great father in the eyes of that hot mamma over there..."

Barry understood and hugged Sirius back,

"Going to miss you dad!" shedding a tear himself before turning and running to the train.

The 'hot mamma' made her way over to Sirius...

XXXX

Lemo whacked Barry across the back of the head,

"An academy award goes to Barry Saucepan for his outstanding performance," she hissed, "That poor lady! She lets her kid onto the train, only to be hauled in by a pimp and his godson!"

XXXX

Charlie looked around, he had somehow been split from the group and now he was wandering up and down the train aimlessly trying to find them. He was just starting to settle into the year of 2007, admittedly it was strange, (although not as strange as his new friends) but he thought he could eventually get used to it here. He sat down outside the last compartment on the carriage and looked up at the flickering light above him. He only wished his mother, Amy and his dear old Maisie was here too, it'd make the situation less awkward and lonely. Sure his new friends tried to include him as best they could, but it was such a large group that had sub-divided, and friendships that had been developed long before he showed up. They all had a past together, and by the sound of it there were quite a few adventures. Plus, there was the added complication: he was off to a school for _witchcraft_ and _wizardry_ and he didn't know anything about either of them. All he could do that was out of the ordinary, was picture travelling which had gotten him into this mess to begin with! He sighed,

"Boy, I've gotten myself into a pickle..."

There was a small yelp and the compartment door he was leaning against opened suddenly,

"What are you doing here?!"

"Well I was wallowing in self pity, but hey apparently you can't do that in-" Charlie stood up and turned around, coming face to face with someone he least expected to see.

XXXX

"Hey guys…" Mione said popping her head into the compartment Barry, Lemo, Andy, Drew, Cheesy and Banana were sharing, "Just wanted to see how Charlie was, he must be nervous…" She looked around the compartment, "Is he in the bathroom?"

Lemo exchanged a look with Barry,

"No…I thought he was with you guys…"

"What?! He's not! I thought he was here!"

"Dum, Dum, Duuuuuuuum," Drew broke the silence.


End file.
